It can be so difficult and upsetting seeing someone you care deeply about struggle with their mental health, and of course we all want to help and do the best we can for our loved ones, even if we aren’t sure exactly how or what we can do to support them. But you don’t have to be a medical or mental health professional to offer your support, and there are plenty of simple ways for you to be there when your loved one needs you the most. Sometimes the smallest things can have the biggest impact.
Always ask how you can help. Some people might be very forthcoming but others may struggle to articulate what they need. Some people may even feel embarrassed or ashamed about asking for help. By asking what you can do, you’re showing that you are there for them without putting any pressure on. Perhaps you can support them with grocery shopping or household chores, or accompanying them to an appointment. Or it might be the case that they simply just want someone to be there with them.
Check in and ask how your loved one is, too. They may not wish to talk about it but letting them know that there’s no need to feel they have to avoid the topic is important. Sometimes simply being there and spending time with them can be more than enough.
When talking to your friend or family member, don’t dwell on their mental health problem, there is so much more to them than their illness and they won’t want to be defined by it. Talk to them about topics you’d normally discuss together. Meet them where they are and if you find that they do start opening up and want to share with you, let them do most of the talking. There is something so comforting about being listened to and understood.
We all want to do everything we can for the people we love but sometimes this can have negative consequences on our own mental and physical health and wellbeing. Supporting someone with a mental illness can be challenging and it’s important to make sure that you’re looking after yourself and taking care of your own needs too. Keep in mind that you should always make sure that you put your own oxygen mask on first before you help others with theirs.
Setting clear boundaries and being aware of your own personal commitments as well as how much you can realistically take on, will ensure that you don’t cause yourself too much stress. If you can, share your caring responsibilities with others. Perhaps with other members of your family or within your friendship group. It’s easy to become frustrated and even resentful when you are tired and feel as if you’re doing too much, and this is what we absolutely want to avoid.
Sometimes, our loved ones may need more help and support than we’re able to give, and if this is the case it’s important to know when it’s appropriate to signpost and when to get urgent help. The Samaritans have lots of useful information about how to help someone who is struggling. Simply sharing some information or suggesting that your loved one seek further help by getting in touch with their GP can make a huge difference but you should always do this in a compassionate and non-judgemental way.
Seeing your loved one struggle with their mental health can be incredibly upsetting but even if you only sit with them in silence, just being there for them will be more than enough to show that you care and that you’re there to support them. Even the smallest moments matter.